My Name is Herman and I don't do Ni Hao!

The first thing I realized was my breathing. It is usually slow and steady, but it turns short and fast. Suffocation. Suffocation. Suffocation. I guess this is how it feels to be Bart when Homer Simpson strangles him? My esophagus is choked with heavy air. Then my eyes were failing me. I can't see things very clearly as of this stage. Wait, what is this? A droplet on my cheeks?
....That's right, I was about to burst into tears. Possible reasons:

a. I just lost my PS3

b. I just break up with my dear Girlfriend

c. I just watched My Name is Khan.

Well, let's look at the three options. First of all, I have no PS3. So there is no reason to cry about, except for the fact that I have no PS3. Secondly, I love my girlfriend, so there is nothing to worry abou...Well, come to think about it, I think there is something to worry about! Let us hope that the feeling is mutual people *fingers crossed* So...What was the third reason again?? My name is Khan? Yep, you got that right hun! That movie keeps on jerking on my tear glands! I swear under my awesome name that movie just kick Forrest Gump out of the equations! Who knew that Bollywood came up with such a masterpiece?!? It is actually a story of an autistic Muslim Indians under the Post 9/11 incident, and how the Muslim are being bullied because the Americans are just paranoid with the Muslims, and obviously Arabs. Ironically, the Americans attack  Indians too, since they (White) think Indians are arabs (well, they are browns after all) . Anyway, Damn its good! It is sooooo good, that I'm actually inspired to make a movie of my own! Unlike My name is Khan, this movie shall be based on true story! A true story of a brave good looking Indonesian guy with a killer smile studying in the outback Australia, after the Bali Bombing Incident! The main story shall revolves around how the Australians can't distinquish an Indonesian and Chinese or Chinese.Where no man can, he persevere and came out as a victor! Sounds like a good deal? I think so too! So these are some sample of the scripts for you to think about the racism that happened where you can only think about. Now sit back, relax, and enjoy some of the best story that 21st century can offer you!

So this is how the short and concise event goes on that very extraordinary day.
Setting: Melbourne Australia. Monash Campus in Caulfield, waiting for the train from Caulfield Train Station.
Time: 0630PM Winter, Wednesday 27th August 2008
Character involved:
1. Herman Dinata, a good looking Indonesian guy with a killer smile.
2. White Guy C, he is white.


White guy C: So mate, you are like...Indonesian right? What are you? Indonesians or something? I mean like...White people has English, or Germans, or French some shits like that..Ya get what I mean??
Herman Dinata: I'm actually Chinese man.
White guy C: But I thought you said you are Indonesian?
Herman Dinata: Yea, I'm a Chinese who lives in Indonesia.
White guy C: But I thought you said you are Indonesian?
Herman Dinata: Yea, I'm Indonesian, but I'm Chinese.
White guy C: But I thought you said you are Indonesian?
Herman Dinata: (Dumbstrucked)......Are you expecting a reply or a kick in the face?

T.H.E.E.N.D

See! It is so very hard not too cry when you are faced with that kind of situation don't you! Now imagine the second scenario:

Setting: Melbourne Australia. Monash Campus in Caulfield, outside Building H in front of the cut-throat Bookstore.
Time: 0100PM Fall, Monday 4th June 2007
Character involved:
1. Herman Dinata, a good looking Indonesian guy with a killer smile.
2. White guy A, he is white.
3. White guy B, he is white too.

As Herman Dinata left the room 3.61A along with his friend, White guy A calls Herman.
White guy A: (Waving his left hand frantically and running towards Herman)Hey Mate! Can I bring my friend along for this group assignments?
Herman Dinata: (Respond to White guy A gestures, and waves his right hand in a very gracious manner) Sure things, is he around now?
White guy A: Yea mate, here his name is White guy B! White guy B, this is Herman Dinata, and Herman, this is White guy B.
White guy B: (Bow down a little bit, with his both hands clasp together, mimicking the Chinese monk) Ni Hao!
Herman Dinata: (flabbergasted) ......!?!?Don't you Ni hao me! I eat Rice! I'm Indonesian! Go Ni Hao MarcoPolo! They eat Chinese Noodles!!!

T.H.E.E.N.D


Pretty neat huh? I thought I can kick both My name is Khan and Forrest Gump with this one! After all, both of the main characters are complete retards in comparison to my character! Those who are interested to be part of this heart breaking drama type of movie, contact me, and you MAY be choosen to fill in the random roles and characters. I haven't thought a movie title yet though...I reckon "Herman Dinata the good looking Indonesian guy with a killer smile's asskicking action in the Bogan and Kangoroo Jack filled outback Australia after Bali Bombing that kills more Australian than Indonesian ironically" sounds really sexy, but rather too direct and has nothing got to do with the story lines. Any better Idea? Well, time to continue on with my scripts! Those who can came up with a better Movie title shall be a cameo in my awesome movie! Just you wait in your next door Cinema for this one!

My name is Herman and I don't do Ni Hao!


* Both of the scenario actually happened, and nope, there are no racism over here. It is pure racial jokes!*

Hey is that your dawg?

I stumbled upon my old collections today, and guess what I found? This:

Why not give it a little read? and this is my full report:

The Infamous Chinese Emperors. It is full of...Ermm..I guess you can say interesting in some sort of way, but most of all retarded...downright retarded. So why don't we flip some pages and take a look at how interesting is the interesting! My personal favorite is Houtei! The last emperor of the Song Dynasty of 470s AD. Houtei is a 10 years old kid who reign over the Chinese plain...
.....
....
...
..
WHAT!?!? How is that even possible!? Well, apparently it happened, and happened f a s t.
Somewhere in between happened, and happened f a s t, he managed to: Practice spears using prisoners, eunuchs, ministers & officers, and civilians. Oops! Not to forget he masters bow & arrows too! With the same training method. He played police and thief; him being the thief and actually kills the persons (mostly civilians) that he robbed and claims his loots. Houtei by the age of 14, is capable of sleeping with a woman, or more likely hundreds of woman. And to spice things up a little bit, he sleeps with his own officer's wife just for the thrill of it. He even kill a dog..A Dog!?! What did the dog ever done to him!?! Well, I guess its just tough luck dawg! Alas, the doggy revenge can't come any faster! The dog happened to be his last kill in this world. He was assassinated during his sleep that night *After eating the poor dog*. Drop dead. D e a d. by the age of 15. 5 years of spearing, bowing, arrowing, killing, sexing, sexing, sexing, sexing, sexing, sexing, and killing a dog. Whoa! Speaking of bad influence from violence video game and TVs!! I wonder if he plays World of Warcraft back then? or watches Sex and the city, and feels like banging every chinese exist in this entire world! A 10 years old kid!?! His dick can't even stay still during pee pee! *Note: In 2010, it is a feat fit for a superman, considering there are about 1 billions of Chinese in this very moment, mind you*
I think Houtei's dad in Chinese heaven was like "Oops! my son just killed yours! and yours! and yours! and Look! Look! Your entire family pays you a visit! Hey is that your dawg?"

This awesome blunder only makes you think...Who in the right mind leaves the fate of millions under a 10 years old kid who can barely spell awesome?! Are they even using their brain!?!? Sadly, I think he does, and that's why it happened. This awesome blunder derives from the very basic of human nature, to survive. In order to survive from our short live, human reproduces and duplicates, hoping that some day his/her offspring will continue the legacy. haunted by the need to survive, the Chinese emperors strive to find heir from his own blood (More likely, sperms), disregard the capability of the heir. We are hard-wired to survive. It is in our blood, whether we like it or not. While some managed to continue the legacy, others,managed to carve their way through under the "Infamous Chinese Emperors".

"The fate of nations is intimately bound up with their powers of reproduction. All nations and all empires first felt decadence gnawing at them when their birth rate fell off. "
Benito Mussolini